First off, my apologies. I haven't written on this blog for quite some time, but allow me to explain why. I don't usually write unless I have something to say. And, to be honest, I haven't really felt the unction for a while. But today, I do have something to say, so here goes.
Recently, God did something really cool in my life. Something I couldn't have sought out or even dreamed up - which is interesting, given my imagination. After our church moved into its new building, a man walked through our doors and basically said something to the effect of, "Hey, I run a daycare program for adults with disabilities (mental handicaps), and we need a place for our Draper clients." Several months later, we have about 40 adults at our church facility Monday - Friday. These adults have the cognitive abilities of anywhere from that of an infant all the way up through 6th/7th grade. Every day, they come to The Rising. And every day I'm there, I learn something. Something significant.
Earlier this week, after everyone had left for the day, I was walking around our building praying for the folks at our church and thinking through some of my own personal issues. Sometimes I wander aimlessly while I'm doing this, and if someone were to come in while I was doing so, they might think I was a bit off. Maybe they'd be right - who knows. Anyway, at one point I found myself in one of the rooms being used by the adults I mentioned earlier. In the room were the same types of toys my 2 and 4 year olds play with. Puzzles. Blocks. Posters stapled to the wall to help the "kids" learn their colors. As I looked at all this I was stopped in my tracks. I'm not sure how to describe it, honestly. I guess that's a bit embarrassing. But seriously, sometimes things happen in your soul that are difficult to filter through human language. I looked at a videotape they had been watching. It was called, "Clifford, the Big Red Dog." I imagined 8-10 adults between the ages of 25 and 50 sitting around watching Clifford. Working on puzzles with 10 pieces, and learning their colors. Something inside of me just kind of snapped as I realized how precious each one of these folks is to someone. I guess society doesn't have much use for them, but each of these guys is a son or daughter, or a brother or a sister, to someone - someone who probably loves them very much. I stood there and wondered what it would be like to have a brother, or a son, that no one much cared for. Someone who is 40 years old and acts like they're 3. A loved one whose life, in society's estimation at least, was going nowhere and worth little. As I was thinking about this, God did something in me. Something that happens rarely, but for whatever reason, God saw fit that this was the day I was going to experience something cool. As I continued looking at these toys, thinking about those who played with them, God began to allow me to experience something of His love for them. It was as if, in those moments, I was able to feel what a father would for his child who was disabled. Even though no one else may see their value, I did. Weird, I know - but it was real. I wish I could say more about it - but that's about the best I can do.
The whole time I was standing there, I was thinking, "Yes, God - I've totally ignored people like this in my life and ministry - and you want me to take them more seriously." That's what I was thinking, but the more I thought and prayed, the more I realized that this wasn't what God was saying. After all, I hadn't really ignored these folks - I allow them to use our facility five days a week. So that wasn't God talking - it was probably someone else. Anyway, as I was praying and thinking, God's message to me became very clear. I had read it in the Scriptures so many times, but this time I was actually feeling it, breathing it, and experiencing it. God let me inside His heart - even if just for a moment. He is a loving Father who has kids that are disabled. They're disabled by sin, hurt, oppression, confusion, neglect, evil, poor choices, you name it. Every one of us, if we look deep enough, has a few areas where we are completely and utterly screwed up. Even if no one ever sees it, and even if we're successful in acting like those disabilities aren't there - God knows they are. And we do, too. And as a result, many of us feel as if we're not worth much. We're not needed. We're not good enough. We're too immoral. We never made anything of ourselves. We failed to get to the next level. We've taken our second chance and squandered it. And our third. And our fourth, and on and on and on. We become disabled by our own faults, flaws, and failures - and by our perception of each. And yeah, just to be fair, some of our jacked-up-ness is our fault. We made bad decisions and did stupid things - but that just proves my point. We're disabled - by ourselves, by others, whoever - the point is we don't live life because deep down, we don't believe our lives are worth living because WE aren't worth much. Here's where the whole father thing comes in.
When I was thinking about those folks that use our facility every day, I thought, "If one of my kids were disabled like this, I would love him/her just as much as my other kids. I wouldn't feel ripped-off or resentful. And even if no one else ever showed my kid any love, that wouldn't matter - because I'd show him/her so much love that he or she would probably never even notice." And in that feeling, and in that thought, I understood what God was saying.
"Jason, you live in a world of people who are broken, bruised, torn-up, and battered by sin and its effects. As a result, many of them may believe that they are of no value to society. They may even believe that they are of no value or use to anyone, even themselves, but that's not true. I have loved them with an everlasting love, and there's not a day that goes by when I don't think of each of them. As a matter of fact, I am so attentive to each one that I know even the number of hairs on their head, and even though they are disabled, hurt, and oblivious to their true potential, there will come a day when I wipe away every tear from their eye. That's because in that day, as in this, they'll be the apple of MY eye. They won't ever have to beg for acceptance from those who laugh at them, hurt them, marginalize them and abuse them, because I will forever be their Acceptor and their Protector. Why? Because I am their Father, and there is nothing I feel toward them but love and commitment."
That's my attempt to put into words what I believe God was doing in my heart that day. All in all, I think He was simply trying to tell me that every person I meet - every day - is a person who is endowed with infinite value because they were made in the image of the Father. My great sin, and ours, is trivializing people's value. We think people's value is tied up in their fame, their utility, or their attractiveness. I was in the mall today and a few of the players from the Utah Jazz were walking around and people were going nuts trying to talk to them, get their autographs, etc. Some people in our world get that kind of attention. But most don't. And for the ones that do - that attention usually doesn't last, and their value fades into oblivion almost as fast as the interest people have in them. But again, people are valuable - all people, because of Who loves them. And we that know Him should be the vessels of that love. Every day, to every person we meet. We may not be able to change the world, but we can change ours. And if we were to all do that, then who knows, maybe the world would change. But in the end, here's the point: God is challenging me to never never never take people for granted - whoever they are, whatever they've done, because He doesn't take them for granted.
Please forgive me if I rambled my way through this post - a blog is supposed to be kind of a "journal" anyway. I was only trying to represent something God had done in me. I just hope that if you're reading this, you'll "get" what I'm trying to say. God's love for people is unimaginably big, powerful, and far-reaching. If you and I can ever grasp even a small amount of that - wow, how we would be changed. And how the people around us would, too.
